In my last post I talked about my problems with Binge Eating and how I am starting a self-help recovery program for it.
This week I had to track everything I ate and drank NORMALLY (I.e. not attempting to diet or control my 'normal' eating patterns) along with whether or not I viewed it as a binge, if I used any methods to try and 'compensate' (Vomiting, laxatives, diuretics) and any comments or context. I have to review twice this week. So here is my first review.
1. Have I been monitoring?
Easy one. Yes I have.
2. Can I improve my monitoring?
There are few instances where I've just written 'salad'. Might be good to specify exactly what is going into my meals. I've been pretty good at monitoring as soon as possible after eating. I need to remember to bracket meals. I've done pretty well in writing comments.
3. Are any patterns in eating becoming obvious?
YES. Huge ones. All binges have happened in the evening and I have eaten reasonably well up til that point. As soon as people say they are leaving the house and I will be on my own my brain says 'binge'. Most binges happened in my bedroom apart from one when I knew everyone was out and would be for hours, and one while babysitting (also knew wouldn't be interrupted for hours). Being alone is clearly a big factor for me.
Foods binged on: Cheese, chocolate, sweets, crisps, bread and butter, veggie 'meat' products, nutella, syrup, biscuits, dried fruits.
Nearly all are high in sugar, carbs and/or fat.
4. Am I weighing myself once a week?
I'm counting my weight watchers weigh in as my official weekly weight, though I have had a couple of sneaky peeks this week. I need to hide my scales away.
I have to keep monitoring in the same way for the next few days, and then I can move on to the next section which I am excited about.
Biggest breakthrough so far: Getting the courage up to tell my weight watchers leader and my girlfriend about this. Both have been amazingly supportive. I was really scared of telling my GF, as she is a recovered anorexic and I was scared of triggering her, and how she would react but she's actually been amazing. She's given me some websites to look at, and suggested I might want to go to support groups with her. The thought of that terrifies me at the moment but I may work my way up to it. She's also made me see that if this has been going on since I was 9 (or thereabouts) and is affecting my emotions to the extent it is doing, then it is binge eating disorder. Just because I am going about my daily life roughly as usual doesn't mean I have to belittle this problem. This has become my daily life.