Sunday, 6 June 2010

Cycling Terrors II (Back with a vengeance)

I went for a proper bike ride today.
We all rode towards the park, across the bridge, and then started cycling along by the river. And kept going. The bike path was really quiet and pretty and long...We ended up cycling all the way out of Maastricht! I must have ridden about 4-5 miles today and Was feeling super proud of myself and a hell of a lot more confident.
And then we went back into the city. Where there are people, and sharp corners and cars.
I was going too fast down one side of the bridge, saw a car coming, swerved massively to miss it and ended up skidding into a group of three women on their bikes. We all went down pretty hard put noone was seriously hurt, I just have a bit of a bruised and bloody knee. And a heavily renewed paranoia. I couldn't stop shaking and crying for about an hour, and got really hysterical. I'm just not ready for city cycling yet. Greenie made me get back on my bike to cycle back to the house though, which was probably for the best, even if I was very wobbly. We're going to get up early and cycle along the riverbank again tomorrow, weather permitting, so hopefully I'll get my confidence back a bit. Until the crash I was actually really enjoying myself!
But slowly does it. No more getting ahead of myself.

Saturday, 5 June 2010

Cycling Terrors

I haven't ridden a bicycle further than about 10 metres since I was 13.
I can cycle for ages on the stationary bikes at the gym.
I can just about make it through a spin class.
I am a super ridiculous expert at cycling on the Wii Fit.

But I cannot handle a real bicyle.

I was really really slow to learn, even with stabilisers, but it wasn't really a huge deal. I live at the top of a massive cobbled hill, so cycling was never going to be a big part of my everyday life. But I gave it a go for a while when I was little.
But there were a couple of incidents that really scarred me physically and mentally.

I had one of those old folding bicycles that can go in the boot of the car, but i didn;t realise the hinge had broken slightly. I freewheeled down a big hill, and then had to make a very sudden turn because there was a car driving past the path I usually went down. The bike folded shut on me, I skidded several metres along the street, tearing a chunk out of the palm of my hand and another out of me hip.
It scared the hell out of me. I stopped riding.

And then in Year 8 we went on a school camp trip. There were lots of phyisical activities which I got through or avoided with various amounts of success. One of these activities, however, was a cycling trip on mountain bikes. In a big group. I could just about handle cycling by myself, much as I can almost sort of do some degree of running, if I'm by myself. But If I'm with anyone else I feel I have to keep up with them, and that knowledge makes me panic. I know it's ridiculous, but I don't know what I can do about it. I'm a very, very antisocial excerciser. Anyhow, on this trip I was doing alright, though lagging behind somewhat, until we got to some big ditch/jump thing we had to cycle across with a steep hill at the other side. I panicced. Worse than i've ever panicced about anything. I couldn;t breathe, I could barely move. I had to walk the rest of the trip.

And so today was a HUGE huge leap forward for me.
Here in Holland, everyone cycles everywhere. It looks lovely. The weather is amazing. We decided to rent bikes. Lisa, a very good friend of mine and also my gym buddy, really can;t ride a bike. She never got the hang of it and hasn't ridden since she was 10. I thought compared to her I'd be fine. We had a little go at cycling down the street. I wobbled all over the place and couldn't stop myself. My bike has no handlebar brakes, it just stops when you pedal backwards. And the bike is WAY too big for me. I felt myself starting to panic. We walked our bikes along to the nearest park and I just about managed to cycle around ok, and was quite enjoying it. Though the stopping is still nearly impossible for me which is scary and I properly fell off a couple of times. The seat went down further on Lisa's bike so we swapped over and I was a bit better on that. We cycled around the park a few times, through a mad petting zoo, and even managed to cycle along a cycle path at the side of the road. Eventually we dared each other to cycle back to the house, which we just about managed without severe trauma...
My nerves are shot to pieces.


Thursday, 3 June 2010


I think that's how it's spelled? I've just got back from a week in the Filmfabriek house/studio thing with the rest of the group and our director Peter. Im gonna jump right in and say it was my absolute idea of hell. I'm really not enjoiyng myself at the moment anyway, and I'm a person who REALLY needs some alone time now and then, preferably every day.

I didn't get any.

And I mean ANY.

We woke up at the same time
ate breakfast together
worked all morning together
ate lunch together
worked all afternoon together
ate dinner together
watched a film together
went to sleep in the same room

repeat ad nauseum TIL I WANT TO PUNCH PEOPLE.
Even the shower had a smoked glass wall that you could totally see through.

Right next to the kitchen.

I'm so glad to be back in Maastricht where I at least have my own room.

I'm really glad to be at least a little bit more in control of my food now. As you may have guessed with the same mealtimes we were all basically having the same food, cooked and bought by Peter.

Peter said he was vegetarian which was a big plus for me. But then we arrived and every floor had real fur rugs everywhere which was nauseating.

And then he told us he eats fish. Now, I'm fine and dandy with people who are pescatarian or macrobiotic for health reasons, and just don't eat red meat because it's unhealthy, but he told us constantly that he doesnt eat meat for ethical reasons. Which makes fish eating incredibly hypocritical in my books. And if there's one thing I can't bear its hypocrisy.
So anyway, he was cooking fish for most people and for me and the one other veggie there it was vegetables with some kind of pasta or potatoes, or occasionally...just more vegetables. Every night. I haven't had a decent bit of protein in a week. And the veg wasn;t WW friendly either, it was absolutely drowning in oily, buttery sauces. Which I LOATHE. If I'm going to have lots of veggies I like to be able to a) taste them, and b) not feel like I've eaten a greasy fry-up afterwards. It was awful.

He did have scales though, which said I was 14st 5lbs. So I need to stop eating shit ASAP.
Time to get healthy.