Friday, 17 February 2012

Body Image

Hello there!
I'm not on here often these days as I'm finding the weight-loss community very pressuring and scary right now, but I thought I'd just pop in and assure you all I'm alive and working on my recovery!

I also really wanted to share a friend of mines project with you all.

She's exploring and debunking the myth of the perfect female body and trying to shed a bit of light on it.
Hopefully a lot of women will get involved and we can do our little bit to make the world a happier place.
It would mean a lot if you could check it out here:
Flesh, Blood and Female
share it with everyone, get involved, hope to see you there!

Saturday, 17 September 2011

B.E.D. Recovery Review 5

My third review session in Step two of the 'Overcoming Binge-Eating' self-help program.

Step 2 is about establishing a regular eating pattern. I cannot trust my instincts and huger signals as they have become too distorted, so I need to create routine that I can trust. 3 planned meals a day plus 2 or three planned snacks.

1. Have I been monitoring?

2.Can I improve my monitoring?
Try to do it nearer the time of eating still.

3. Are any patterns in my eating becoming obvious?

I can't keep snacky food in my room. Out of sight, out of mind. 

4. Am I weighing myself once a week?

Still having trouble resisting this. Had bad weigh in this week, gained 2.5lbs which took me up to 13 stone again. I didn't ever want to have to see that number again and it upset me a lot. This is turn made me anxious about not pointing food as I had said I would do. Instead of pointing i started using myfitnesspal yesterday to count calories. The novelty is making it easier to avoid eating and it hasn't been stressful so far as I have been at home without distraction. I don't know if this will be more stressful this weekend as I have distractions and have to be out of the house for long periods of time.

5. Each day am I planning regular meals and snacks?

there were a couple of days where this didn't happen, but yesterday I planned nearly everything in advance and it did work really well for me. I had my first fully binge-free day in ages. I need to do this more. 

6. Am I trying to restrict my eating to the day's meals and snacks?

There were a couple of very off days but yesterday I did WELL at this!

7.Am I skipping any of the meals and snacks?
Same as above. There was one day in particular where I binged all day and only had one planned meal, but yesterday was much better and Im feeling positive.

8.Are the gaps between my meals and snacks no longer than three to four hours?

On the binge days there were often long gaps between binges and meals because I felt sick and full.

9.Am I eating between my meals and snacks?

Only on the bingey days.

10. Am I getting back on track when things go wrong?

I have been noticeably writing days off as bad 'binge days' or good days. This is the all or nothing thinking that is talked about in the book and I need to address this.

11.Am I adjusting the timing of my meals and snacks to accomodate special situations?

As far as possible yes. 

12. Am I following the advice regarding self-induced vomiting and the misuse of laxatives and diuretics?

Yes. Haven't done it.

Tuesday, 13 September 2011

B.E.D Recovery Review 4

My second review session in Step two of the 'Overcoming Binge-Eating' self-help program.

Step 2 is about establishing a regular eating pattern. I cannot trust my instincts and huger signals as they have become too distorted, so I need to create routine that I can trust. 3 planned meals a day plus 2 or three planned snacks.

1. Have I been monitoring?
No. I tracked one day fairly fully, but then got progressively worse and didn't track at all yesterday.

2.Can I improve my monitoring?
Definitely. By doing it! I need to find ways to do it without feeling self conscious when outside of my home. I also need to NOT LET little blips throw me off track.

3. Are any patterns in my eating becoming obvious?

I'm suspecting that counting points in itself isn;t triggering for me, but when I've run out of, or am close to the end of my weekly points I am much more likely to panic, be anxious, binge and give up tracking. I need to take a break from counting points for a little bit. I'm still going to focus on eating healthy, but let my eating be entirely dictated by the timings of meals, rather than also limiting the points. It is more important right now to get my mind healthy than get thin, no matter what my gremlins say.

4. Am I weighing myself once a week?

I didn't weigh myself at my GF's house over the last couple of days as she doesn't have any scales, but once I was back home I started weighing again. This added to the fact that I found myself counting backwards from my current weight to my goal weight and imagining myself shrinking to calm anxiety about non-food related issues is setting off some major alarm bells. I've also noticed that the goal weight in my head keeps shrinking. When I started losing weight I thought 9st 6-7ish, then I started thinking 9st would be better. The other night the thought '8st 10lb would be just perfect' came into my head. I'm a bit frightened.

5. Each day am I planning regular meals and snacks?

This has slipped the last few days, largely because I was away from home and not actually in full control of when I would have meals. 

6. Am I trying to restrict my eating to the day's meals and snacks?

There have been some bingey moments, and it seems I don't take drinking alcohol into account...

7.Am I skipping any of the meals and snacks?
Trying not to, although the situation sometimes has meant I've had to shuffle things around.

8.Are the gaps between my meals and snacks no longer than three to four hours?


9.Am I eating between my meals and snacks?

I have done a few times. I need to stop this.

10. Am I getting back on track when things go wrong?

No. I've been spiralling downwards for a few days. Time to get back on track!

11.Am I adjusting the timing of my meals and snacks to accomodate special situations?

Sort of. But a I haven;t been setting very realistic timings anyway this has been a bit iffy. Note to self - I am not getting up at 8am, so there's no way I'm going to be eating breakfast then. REALISTIC schedules will be more helpful.

12. Am I following the advice regarding self-induced vomiting and the misuse of laxatives and diuretics?

Yes. Haven't done it.

Week Two
Step Two (monitoring + Regular Eating)
Binges: 6
Use of Vomiting/ Laxatives/ Diuretics: 0
Good Days (this week, days where I monitored consistently and accurately and did my best to stick to my planned schedule of eating, regardless of whether I binged): 5
Weight: 12st 11.5lbs (-2lbs)
Unusual circumstances, events which may effect eating habits: Spent the weekend at my GF's house, work meeting w/ cakes biscuits, babysitting.

I need to continue with step 2, and will attempt to follow this step without the addition of counting weight watchers points for a week.

Saturday, 10 September 2011

B.E.D. Recovery Review 3

My first review session in Step two of the 'Overcoming Binge-Eating' self-help program.

Step 2 is about establishing a regular eating pattern. I cannot trust my instincts and huger signals as they have become too distorted, so I need to create routine that I can trust. 3 planned meals a day plus 2 or three planned snacks.

1. Have I been monitoring?
Largely, though I often forget to track drinks (water).

2.Can I improve my monitoring?
Numbers and quantities of foods may be useful in monitoring my hunger levels.

3. Are any patterns in my eating becoming obvious?

Same as before. Chocolate spread is dangerous.

4. Am I weighing myself once a week?

No. I've been weighing myself both days, and noticed how calm I felt after losing weight. I think this is a dangerous feeling to associate with my weight considering anxiety is a big cause of my binges. My relationship with weighing myself may be worse than I'd thought.

5. Each day am I planning regular meals and snacks?

I'm planning what times to eat, though not the foods themselves. I should maybe start doing this.

6. Am I trying to restrict my eating to the day's meals and snacks?

Yes. Apart from yesterday when I went completely off the rails following the disruption of my planned day, coupled with high anxiety and stress levels about jobhunting, househunting and my financial situation, plus a highly triggering environment for me (babysitting).

7.Am I skipping any of the meals and snacks?
Missed a snack one day as I slept in very late.

8.Are the gaps between my meals and snacks no longer than three to four hours?

Yes. They have often been rather short though as I have been sleeping in then cramming in breakfast, a morning snack and lunch within a few hours of each other. I either need to sort my sleeping patterns out or rethink this.

9.Am I eating between my meals and snacks?

Only yesterday when in 'binge' mode.

10. Am I getting back on track when things go wrong?

After a small chocolate binge yesterday afternoon I got back on track with a healthy tea, but then went off track again in the evening. Today I will try to stay on track.

11.Am I adjusting the timing of my meals and snacks to accomodate special situations?

I have been trying, although the idea of a 6 hour shift, without knowing if I'd get a break, and then a short window of time before babysitting threw me for a loop. This weekend is going to be all over the place so I shall try to plan ahead as best as possible.

12. Am I following the advice regarding self-induced vomiting and the misuse of laxatives and diuretics?

Yes. Haven't done it.

Thursday, 8 September 2011

SMART thinking

This recovery thing is going fairly well.
Last night's weigh in showed a 2lb loss. After 8 weeks of gaining weight at a steady rate I was quite overwhelmed.
I suspect I'm still running on the novelty aspect but this step of the program is working well with getting me back on track with WW, as well as with my B.E.D.
I know there will be struggles to come, but for now I am feeling quietly confident.

This weekend will be a challenging one, I will be taken out of my routine, face several of my most triggering situations, and will be less able to count my points.
But I'm going to do my best to plan ahead, be smart about things, and keep in control.

Tuesday, 6 September 2011

B.E.D. Recovery Review 2

My second review session in Step one of the 'Overcoming Binge-Eating' self-help program.

1. Have I been monitoring?

2. Can I improve my monitoring?
There's always room for improvement. It's not always easy for me to track when people are around, so I'm not always monitoring as soon as I've eaten, though i have done so as soon as I could. I need to remember to bracket my mealtimes.

3. Any obvious patterns?
Being alone is my biggest binge trigger, my binges almost always happen in total secrecy, and I need to find a way to deal with this. Being around other people increases my anxiety, and anxiety is also a very big trigger for me. This is a cycle I need to break.
Being in or near food shops is triggering for me. I think it will help for me to make and stick to shopping lists, and carry only the amount of money I need for the list with me.
I've found that if I eat slowly and savour my food I am less likely to class it as a binge, even if it is a 'danger' food.
I got unreasonably anxious seeing a pack of opened biscuits in the cupboard at my friends house, they are clearly a big danger food for me and it took a lot of willpower not to binge on them.

4. Are you weighing once a week?
After the sneaky peeks earlier in the week I hid my scales away and have been tempted to weigh (especially today, the day before W.I.) but have managed to resist. Out of sight, slightly more out of mind.

Other notes: My self-esteem and body image has been frighteningly bad this week and I have been crying a lot. I think getting back into excercising might help with this.

Week One
Step one (monitoring)
Binges: 5
Use of Vomiting/ Laxatives/ Diuretics: 1
Good Days (this week, days where I monitored consistently and accurately): 7
Weight: 12st 13.5lbs
Unusual circumstances, events which may effect eating habits: Spent the weekend at my GF's house.

As I have managed to follow step 1 for a week I am now moving onto step 2 of the program.
This involves me tracking as before, whilst also implementing set times of day for meals and snacks.

Saturday, 3 September 2011

B.E.D. Recovery Review 1

In my last post I talked about my problems with Binge Eating and how I am starting a self-help recovery program for it.
This week I had to track everything I ate and drank NORMALLY (I.e. not attempting to diet or control my 'normal' eating patterns) along with whether or not I viewed it as a binge, if I used any methods to try and 'compensate' (Vomiting, laxatives, diuretics) and any comments or context. I have to review twice this week. So here is my first review.

1. Have I been monitoring?
Easy one. Yes I have.

2. Can I improve my monitoring?
There are few instances where I've just written 'salad'. Might be good to specify exactly what is going into my meals. I've been pretty good at monitoring as soon as possible after eating. I need to remember to bracket meals. I've done pretty well in writing comments.

3. Are any patterns in eating becoming obvious?
YES. Huge ones. All binges have happened in the evening and I have eaten reasonably well up til that point. As soon as people say they are leaving the house and I will be on my own my brain says 'binge'. Most binges happened in my bedroom apart from one when I knew everyone was out and would be for hours, and one while babysitting (also knew wouldn't be interrupted for hours). Being alone is clearly a big factor for me.
Foods binged on: Cheese, chocolate, sweets, crisps, bread and butter, veggie 'meat' products, nutella, syrup, biscuits, dried fruits.
Nearly all are high in sugar, carbs and/or fat.

4. Am I weighing myself once a week?
I'm counting my weight watchers weigh in as my official weekly weight, though I have had a couple of sneaky peeks this week. I need to hide my scales away.

I have to keep monitoring in the same way for the next few days, and then I can move on to the next section which I am excited about.

Biggest breakthrough so far: Getting the courage up to tell my weight watchers leader and my girlfriend about this. Both have been amazingly supportive. I was really scared of telling my GF, as she is a recovered anorexic and I was scared of triggering her, and how she would react but she's actually been amazing. She's given me some websites to look at, and suggested I might want to go to support groups with her. The thought of that terrifies me at the moment but I may work my way up to it. She's also made me see that if this has been going on since I was 9 (or thereabouts) and is affecting my emotions to the extent it is doing, then it is binge eating disorder. Just because I am going about my daily life roughly as usual doesn't mean I have to belittle this problem. This has become my daily life.

Wednesday, 31 August 2011

Recovery Plans

As my beloved followers out there may have noticed, I've been absent, and when I've been here I've been in a right old state.
My life has been topsy-turvy of late. Finishing Uni and moving back in with my parents, with no real space of my own, without a job, away from all my friends has been very hard and very stressful and my binge eating problems have reached epic proportions. I haven;t gone a single week since moving back home that I haven't gained weight and it is making me sad and angry and scared.
I got myself a book:

I've read it cover to cover. The first half talks about research into binge eating, and binge eating disorders, though it feels a little dated. It actually talks more about anorexia and bulimia than B.E.D. but it's interesting reading nevertheless. The second half is a self-help plan for those with binge eating problems, like me (and i suspect a few of you out there may recognise yourselves in it).

I'm staying with weight watchers, though I may be off plan for a little while, as an important part of the recovery process is monitoring how you eat 'naturally', so you can learn from it, which is what I'm currently doing. When I have enough understanding of what makes me do what I do then I will be able to hopefully start integrating weight watchers with my recovery plan.

I'll keep you posted.
If any of you have suffered with similar problems I would love to hear from you. While I don't think I can wholly class myself as having Binge Eating Disorder I am definitely borderline, and it is a very lonely and humiliating place to be.

Thursday, 4 August 2011

I have a problem.

I binge.
I keep binging.
I've been binging for a very long time.
It makes me miserable.
I don't know why I do it, and I don;t know how to stop.
No diet is going to help until I know why I do what I do.
No healthy lifestyle plan is going to be stuck to until I am ready to be healthy.
I don't know what my problem is, I just know I have one.
I feel sick.
I feel sad.
I feel fat and alone and confused.
I don't know how to stop.
I'm stuck on a horrible carousel and I just want to get off, but I keep losing my footing.
This is a big cry for help.
If anyone has ANY idea what I can do to get myself under control, please help me.
I'm not happy.
I'm not healthy.
I'm not even hungry.
I just want to stop.

Thursday, 28 July 2011

Too poor to be fat.

I've had a bit of an epiphany. A crossroads. A lightbulb moment.

I've just graduated (1st class BA Hons, and course valedictorian thankyouverymuch!). And I am skint. Utterly penniless (and flogging my possessions on ebay which I shall be linking you to!).
I'm paying about £20 a month to go to Weight Watchers.
And I have not been following the plan.
Not properly, with dedication, for any stretch of time, in TOO LONG.
And I can't afford it anymore. I can't afford to pay my membership only to see the numbers on the scales bounce back and forth between Fat and A Little Tiny Bit Less Fat.
I can't afford to be fat anymore.
If I am going to do this, I have to do it properly, to the letter, every week until I am at goal.
I AM going to do this. I Will do it properly, to the letter, every week until I am at goal.
I've made my mealplans and drawn up my shopping lists.
I've filled the fruitbowl. I've clipped on my pedometer.
I know it's not going to be easy, but it's got to be done, and there is simply no other option.
Fat is not an option.

Wednesday, 8 June 2011

*waves white flag*

I surrender.
I admit it, I've been awful.
Utterly dreadful.
I haven't been to a meeting in three weeks.
My tracking has been all over the place.
I've been a mess.
I've been having a seriously emotional time of late. Finishing uni has been incredibly sad and incredibly stressful.
Apart from a couple of blips I've probably actually been undereating (if I'm a bit emotional I tend to eat my feelings, If i'm extremely emotional I don't tend to eat. It's not healthy either way, but I'm at least starting to see what I do), so I don;t think weight-wise I'm too off track right now.
But I need to get into this again before another three weeks go by, and then another three, and so on until I'm back at big, fat square one again.

I think I'm going to be doing a lot more weight loss blogging in the near future as I've just started dating someone who is a recovering anorexic, and I don't want to talk too much about weight in front of them, so I'll be doing it here instead.
I also really need the support of this wonderful community because for the past few months I haven't been going about weight loss in a very healthy or productive fashion. The binges and secret eating were getting way, way out of control, and I was getting seriously addicted to those horrible, twisted 'thinspiration' sites.
I realised I was getting way in over my head and cut myself off from them completely, but ended off cutting myself off from all things weight loss related, including weight watchers, which is stupid because I know I can do it healthily and it works for me.
From now on it's the healthy way. And it's serious.
Graduation is in 5 and a half weeks, and I want to look GOOD.

Thursday, 28 April 2011

Taking the scenic route

Hi everybody! I'M BACK!
Dissertation has been handed in so I have a bit of time to actually be me again...which means blogging is back on the cards.
I've been pretty absent from blogging, and pretty absent from the WW-plan as a whole if I'm brutally honest with myself. I've been tracking now and then but only on the good days, and the bingey days have been increasing in number to a scary degree.
The result of which has been an un-productive weight loss over these easter holidays. After the 5lb loss came a 4.5lb gain, then a half pound loss then a half pound gain...
All in all, not very good.

However, a very exciting thing happened when I came home this easter. I fit back into a lot of my old clothes. And I mean a LOT of them. I wrote about packing away too-small clothes in THIS post and am proud to say that of that list I am back into the tight rockabilly tattoo dress... In fact, at a recent party my camera with THIS picture on:
Im totally sucking in but STILL!
got passed around and exclaimed over, much to my EXCRUCIATING embarrassment. 
I'm also back into the green silk teadress - which I wore to my college leavers ball, AND the harlequin dress I wore to my high-school leavers ball!
Yes I made it myself. No it wasn't fancy dress. This was my attempt to replicate vivienne westwood with severely limited resources...

I've officially dropped a dress size and I'm back down to the size I was in college more or less, which is AMAZING.
The downside to this was that a lot of my favourite clothes are now too BIG and I've had to sell them, (apart from one or two items that I'm saving for before/after photos of course ; ) )
It's a bit weird suddenly dressing like college-me again, but I can't afford a whole new wardrobe when I have a perfectly good old one that's been neglected for several years!
I'm looking forward to a lot of 'ooh, is that new?', 'no, it's actually really old'... conversations happening back at uni.

So all in all, while I haven't lost a significant amount of weight over the last couple of months, I've clearly been doing something right because I am definitely smaller.
(I had a glorious time on Good Friday meeting up with a good friend of mine who I haven;t seen in person for about a year and a half due to university, who spent most of the day exclaiming over how much weight I'd lost and actually calling me SKINNY! I HAVE NEVER BEEN CALLED SKINNY IN MY LIFE!)

I have been seriously bingey lately and NEED to get in in check (and I have a whole massive post about binging planned) so for now I have made a meal plan which I am STICKING TO, and I am going back to tracking on paper rather than online.

I have to say, it feels good to be back.

p.s. as soon as I get my act together there are going to be proper photos of new-old wardrobe times!

Wednesday, 30 March 2011

On Top Of The World!

At this weeks weigh in I lost...


Which is the same as a chihuahua!

which means I get to cross off my mini goals of

  1. My 3 stone mark! I HAVE NOW LOST OVER 3 STONE!

And then I realised an amazing thing.
When I calculated all my mini-goals, I thought I was an inch shorter than I actually was,


I am SO excited for next week!

And as WELL as all this I had a wonderful night out last night, with an old friend I haven;t seen for a couple of months, who spent the whole night telling me how amazing I look, that I've lost so much weight, and that I look 'like a rake...but in a good way'

Partly it's the magic of a good dress, but also- check out those collarbones! Hello little collar bones, LONG TIME NEVER SEEN!
I'm obsessed with them. Completely. Obsessed.
All in all.
Damn good week.


My graduation is in 16 weeks.

If I lose 1/2 a pound a week til graduation I will weigh 12st 4.5lbs

If I lose 1 pound a week til graduation I will weigh 11st 10.5lbs

If I lose 1 1/2 pounds a week til graduation I will weigh 11st 2.5lbs

If I lose 2 pounds a week til graduation I will weigh 10st 8.5lbs

If I lose 2 1/2 pounds a week til graduation I will weigh 10st 0.5lbs

If I lose 3 pounds a week til graduation I will weigh 9st 6lbs

If I lose 3 1/2 pounds a week til graduation I will weigh 8st 12.5lbs which is JUST BELOW MY GOAL WEIGHT!

I like maths when it makes me think I can get to goal :D

ps. I'm not actually planning on losing 3.5lbs a week for 16 weeks, I know that's not healthy! It's just nice to imagine...

Monday, 7 March 2011


for the extended absence.
All my words are currently being shoehorned into my dissertation and I have not had time enough even for that, let alone blogging!
Normal service (and my sanity) will (hopefully) be resumed in a few weeks...

Thursday, 10 February 2011

Jean Genie

Size 14 Super Skinny Jeans


That's all folks

Whole New Realms of Possibility

At tonights W.I. i lost 2.5lbs, which brings my total to 41lbs lost so far!
And then I looked at my bracelet and saw that I now have 45.5lbs to go to reach my 50lbs target this year. And you know what, THAT ISN'T SCARY ANYMORE!
I know I can do it,
I'm a little overwhelmed right now.
I'm really going to do it.
I'm going to get to goal.
I'm going to be thin.

Wednesday, 9 February 2011

Mini-Goal Motivation

I took inspiration from a few other people on the WW message boards and got myself a (very cheap knock-off from amazon) pandora style bracelet, and I'm giving myself a charm for all my mini-goals (listed at the side over there:

I have an acorn at the start , when I get to goal I will have a tree, and inbetween I'm having a little rainbow apple for every silver seven,  a silvery charm for each 5% of my body weight, and number charms for how many pounds I have left to go in my 50lbs in 52 week challenge!

I like shiny things...

Monday, 7 February 2011

Words of Wisdom

If you've been reading weight loss blogs for a while you've probably come across the saying:

"If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got."

Now that is a GREAT quote, very motivational (I have it written up above my desk)

But I just found a better one, the rather more 'go and get it' flipside to that quote.

"If you want something you've never had, then you need to do something you've never done."

My mind is a little bit blown.
For the next week I'm going to do something NEW - I'm going to go to bed a bit earlier, and get up half an hour early to work out.
What are YOU going to do new this week?

Friday, 28 January 2011

I got Bloglovin!

Follow my blog with bloglovin

So add me/follow me/whatever me.
Dissertation attempts: Black coffee, Braeburn apples, SF raspberry jelly.

Also, I learned how to julienne carrots.
So I julienned some carrots.
A lot of carrots.

Tuesday, 18 January 2011



That is all.

This week has been completely free on weight watchers.
I am currently on veggie sushi overload and have a wasabi headache.


Wednesday, 5 January 2011

Last Years Weight is Last Years Business

I had my first Weigh In of the year tonight, and i haven;t had a meeting since before christmas and I was feeling very ambivalent about the whole thing. On the one hand I was dreading the scales. I've been at my bingey worst, gorging on cake and crisps and GINGERBREAD, and so I knew there was little to no chance of me losing weight tonight. On the other hand I was SICK of my behaviour. I've been feeling greasy and bloated and sluggish, and I desperately wanted to get back on track.

Tonight I gained 2lbs.
2lbs is far from the end of the world.
Obviously it's not ideal.
But it's not the end of the world.

And I don't mind. That gain is the result of last years food, and last years habits.
This year I'm feeling very clean slatey.

I'm going to lose 50lbs this year.




If you're a UK ww member join me here:

Saturday, 1 January 2011

Three posts in one day is excessive...

But I just had a MAJOR NSV!

In my first year at uni I bought a lucky bag off Lazy Oaf. One of the things I got in it was an AWESOME cartoon/geometric print belt. Which of course didn't fit. I literally could not even stretch it to the first notch.
Right now...

It's holding up my jeans :D

I might go and have a ceremonial burial for the old leather MANS belt I've been wearing for the last couple of years because it was the only belt that fit around me.

What a wonderful start to the year!

That New Years Blog Thing

2011's Resolutions - the big ones anyway (there's a lot of 'read this book' type little ones):

2: Graduate!
3: Make a real go of having my own theatre company!
4: Get out of my overdraft!

I've been feeling very inspired by the wonderful Leah who has lost 50lbs over the last year and so have decided to accept the challenge (not that it was issued as a challenge...but I'm taking it as one!).
An average of 1lb loss a week, with a week off for my birthday and a week off for xmas should have me 50lb lighter this time next year! That seems totally manageable. If you fancy joining me in this challenge join me here:
The Losing Year: 50lbs in 52 Weeks

Here is me now -

Breathing out

Sucking it in

Here's to seeing a lot less of me in 2011!

That Resolution Thing

Last years Resolutions:
1: This year I will get to goal - the exact weight will be decided nearer the time as I do not yet know what I will feel happiest at, but it will be within my healthy BMI range. 
FAIL:I got stuck in a massive plateau which has only started to shift since ProPoints started.
This year I have lost a grand total of 5 pounds. An average of 0.1 lb a week. Really I lost quite a lot of pounds put put them on again and took them off again for ages. Even so, rubbish. But on the plus side- I'm 5lbs lighter than this time last year!
2: I will complete at least the body test, if not training, on the Wii Fit Plus every day providing this is possible.
FAIL: 3: I will sell the clothes I have shrunk out of on ebay, or donate them to charity, as soon as they dont fit me. I wont fit them again - I will not have them hanging around the house.
WIN: this basically happened as planned!4: I will pass my second year at uni with flying colours!
WIN: partly. I passed 2nd year with a 1st, but i JUST scraped it by .1 of a mark.5: I will keep procrastination to an absolute minimum as regards Uni work, exercise, and housework.
FAIL: Pfft. This was a stupid resolution, how can that even be quantified!?6: I will reduce my reliance on asthma inhalers.
WIN: Quit smoking, actually sorted out what inhalors need to be taken when.7: I will learn how to jog!
FAIL: Well, I sort of know the theory, but the practice continues to elude me.8: I will learn to budget and thus not live in my overdraft :s
FAIL: I am still most definately in my overdraft. But I have taken a bit more responsibility about it now and am getting a bit better at not buying stupid amounts of unnecessary stuff.9: I will be a good vegetarian and avoid all gelatine, animal rennet and other animal byproducts in food which I've become much to lazy about.
FAIL: On the gelatine front I was definately a bad vegetarian... I made a show with jelly and haribo in it...10: I will drink water. Lots of water. Everyday. No excuses.
FAIL: Still nowhere near enough.11: I will keep this blog up!
I guess posting this entry is a sort of WIN...though I have been pretty neglectful...

2011's resolutions will be posted in the morning...
Have a good one!

Thursday, 23 December 2010

The Pound That broke The Plateau's Back

I have been a godawful weight watcher for the past year. I started off great, and then I went way off track. I've made my excuses, I've clawed my way back.
But excuses don't change the fact that for the last year I have bounced my way around the same stone continuously. Pro-points was the kick up the bum I needed and I am FINALLY starting to gain back some control, and see those numbers start to shift.
At last nights meeting I actually jumped off the scales and whooped with joy. I *only* lost a pound but it was my most significant pound lost to date. With that pound I broke OUT of the 13's and into the 12s! 
I am excited to be in the 12s because in breaking into the ELEVENS I will be marking off 
1) my 20% weight loss!
2) My 6th and 7th silver sevens! 
and most excitingly

I cannot WAIT to be *just* overweight.


At Start of WW:
WEIGHT:15st10lb (220lb or 99.8kg)

WEIGHT: 12st13.5lb (181.5lb or 82.3kg)
BMI:31 (at the very bottom end of obese)

Thats a total loss so far of 

One of these, PLUS

a rack of these (eww...)
PLUS (!)

Half of one of these!

Or in terms we can ALL understand...

About 1/6th of Arnold Schwarzenegger!

This was JUST the boost i needed to keep me feeling motivated through the holiday season.
Bring on the elevens!

Wednesday, 15 December 2010

Cinderella Dress

In the couple of weeks that led up to me joining weight watchers I had to figure out what I was going to wear for my cousins wedding. At 5ft 4 and 15st 10lbs I wasn't fitting into much of anything pretty, so I got rather stressed out about this - cue impulse buying madness.
I bought a BEAUTIFUL 1950's style rose print dress from H&M, without trying it on - it was MILES too small.
This was a year and 3 months ago.


For tonights uni xmas party I was trying to find something I wasn't bored of to wear - and found the bag full of 'stuff to fit into' and had a rummage. I found that rose print dress, slipped it on, and zipped it up.
It fit's like a dream.

So tonight I am in full cinderella mode and plan on being the belle of the ball!

EDIT: (next day) I couldn't find my camera so I'm relying on photobooth and anyone who managed to get a picture of me before I had to be taken home drunk (I forgot to eat anything substantial before drinking so ended up a bit...messy). There I am twirling away in the middle!

Thursday, 9 December 2010

Weekly Points Experiment.

This week I'm trying something a little different.
A couple of times now I've had binges and used up all my weekly points and then completely pannicced in case i did it again and didn't have a 'safety net' and totally sabotaged myself.
To prevent that this week I'm treating my weekly points differently.
I've picked three treat-like things that I am prone to a) eating a lot of if I have it around and b) not bothering to measure as accurately as I should.
1) A smallish block of reduced fat mature cheddar cheese (18)
2) Whats left of my bottle of orange and passion fruit squash (10)
3) A bottle of dry white wine for my xmas party on Tuesday (18)
 I have pre-tracked these things at the start of my week, using up all but 2 of my weekly points (I went one over yesterday). I can have as much of them as I like when I like and I won't need to go through the rigmarole of weighing/measuring it all out because I have already accounted for it. The panic is gone because I know all I need to do is stick to my 30 daily points without feeling like some days have been binge days and others hungry days. For me, doing this makes it liveable.
Basically I'm playing tricks on myself, but so far it's working for me!

How are you making the new plan work for you?

Saturday, 13 November 2010

Graze Boxes on Pro-Points

 This is just my old Graze Box post but with values in Pro-points...

I know these divide opinion massively but I think they're an awesome idea.
For those who havent heard of them its basically a box of healthy snacks sent by post for you to graze on throughout the week, such as Fresh and dried fruit, nuts, seeds and crackers. The points values that I've heard of so far range between 2-7 pro-points, and 0 points if you get the boxes with fresh fruit, so obviously some snacks are better than others but you can choose to "bin" anything you don't want sending.

The points values I've managed to find out so far are:
Apple Strudel - 2 pp
Golden Pineapple Rings - 2pp
The Beach - 2pp
The lost army cracker mix - 2 pp
Agadoo - 3pp
Great Fire Dragon - 3 pp
Italian Stallion - 3pp
Korean Chilli rice crackers - 3 pp
Little Figgy Went To Market - 3pp
Love Mix - 3 pp
Olive, rosemary and siciliano pesto focaccia - 3 pp
Organic Whole Apricots 3pp
Paper Tiger - 3pp
Sour Mango Tangtastic - 3pp
Beach Bum - 4pp
Detox - 4pp
Hot Cross Yummy - 4pp
Milkshake Mix - 4pp
Billionaire's Shortbread - 5pp
Green Olives with fresh basil and garlic - 5pp
Honeycomb Flapjack - 5pp
Lightly Toasted Pistachios - 5 pp
Made in America 5pp
Mayan Mocha - 5pp
7 Fruits Flapjack - 6pp
Ancient Forest Nuts - 6pp
Apple and Cinnamon Flapjack - 6pp
Cracked black pepper cashews - 6pp
Fiery Seeds 6pp
Fire Nuts 6pp
Fruit and Nut Case - 6 pp
Honey Nut Almonds - 6pp
Kalamata and Amphissa Olives With Chilli and Garlic - 6 pp
Kalamata Olives with herbs - 6pp
salsa tossed cahsews 6pp
Savoury Roasted Seeds - 6pp
  Sweet and Sour Nuts - 6pp
Americas nut mix - 7pp
Aztec Gold - 7pp
Copacabana - 7 pp
Hickory smoked Almonds & macadamias 7pp
Hickory Smoked Hazels and Cashews - 7pp
Oven Roasted Cashews - 7pps
Sweet As A Nut - 7pp

I'll add to this when I find out more- if you know of any not listed please comment! Forewarned is forearmed as it were...or four-armed, or something. 

Anyhow If anyone wants to try it out (UK only I'm afraid :( ) then go to and put in this code: 635YGP8

If you use this code you'll get your first box free and your second half price (they normally cost £2.99 with free posting). I'll also get a discount off my next box so it works out nicely for everyone : )
I'm not getting paid in any other way for this so I dont consider it advertising- your just helping subsidise a penniless student's dried fruit addiction and getting yourself some yummy healthy treats into the bargain :D


Online Journalling on Pro-Points- Day 3

November 12 Food and Exercise Journal- Housemates Birthday!
time- food/exercise (points)
8.00am- Green tea (0) Wholemeal pitta bread (4) Cottage Cheese (1) Vegemite (0) letuuce (0) grapes (0)
9.30am-Walk to Uni
12.00pm- had to stay in uni for tutorials, lunch from S.U.= cheese, crackers and pickle (11) low fat rice pudding (4) Freddo bar (3) Dr. pepper Zero (0)
1.00pm-Walk home (pedometer to healthy)
2.00pm- lick of caramel off spoon decorating housemates cake.... (1)
3.00pm- Pitta Bread (4) Quorn (2) vegemite (0) salad (0)
5.00pm- Graze Box Smoked nuts and aztec gold (14)
7.30pm-Birthday cake (7)
8.00pm- tortilla (3) vegemite (0) salad (0) Quorn (1)
9.00pm- Birthday cake again (7)
10.00pm- Rum and Diet Coke (2)

Points Summary
30/30 Daily Pro-Points used
30/49 Weekly Points used (11 remaining)
 4 Activity Points earned
12/12 Activity Points used

GHG Summary
fruits/vegetables: not  the best
Liquids:Probably, there was a lot of green tea today which didn't get tracked
healthy oils: nope
lean protein:CHECK!
vitamins: nope
activity: CHECK!

Lessons learned:
So today was pretty damn heavy on points. And I've found it stresses me out less using up the weekly points if I use up my activity points first. I also managed to stick to just one drink last night which i'm pretty proud about!
Biggest fall of the day came from not bringing lunch in to uni and then being asked by my friend to stay behind for a meeting with her, I need to have more snacky things/fruit in my bag!
A day like this on the old plan would have sent me off into a spiral of 'why bother' I'll gain anyway this week', but in theory if I can keep to my daily 30 for the rest of the week then I should still have a loss!

Today's Plan:

breakfast- apple,porridge oats(4) milk (1) raspberries(0)
lunch- salad veg (0) beans (4?) quorn (2) olive oil (3) cheese (2)
dinner- noodles (3) stir fry veg (0) sauce (1/2?)
snacks-fruit (0) graze box things?(I'm going to start making a list of graze box pro-points on here- if anyone has any please let me know!)
exercise- not much, todays an essay day...

Friday, 12 November 2010

Online Journalling on Pro-Points- Day 2

November 11 Food and Exercise Journal
time- food/exercise (points)

10.15am- Banana (0) Apple (0)

10.45am- Wholemeal Pitta Bread (4) tsp Vegemite (0) Lettuce (0) 60g reduced fat cottage cheese (1) Green Tea (0)

12.00pm- falafel (8) 2tsp olive oil (3) salad veggies (0) grapes (0) Diet Coke (0)

12.30pm-walk to uni + rehearsal = healthy on pedometer

5.00pm- Cadburys miniatures (7)

6.45pm- fry lite (0) noodles (3) stir fry veg (0) chow mein sauce (1)

7.30pm (20g cheddar cheese (2)

8.00pm- grapes (0) passion fruit (0) Greek Yogurt (1) honey (1)

10.00pm- Green Tea (0)
Points Summary
30/30 Daily Pro-Points used
1/49 Weekly Points used (41 remaining)
4 Activity Points earned
0/8 Activity Points used

GHG Summary
fruits/vegetables: CHECK!
Liquids:getting closer
healthy oils: CHECK!
lean protein:need to find out if falafel is protein!
vitamins: nope
activity: CHECK!

Lessons learned:
Involving a trampoline in the current show means I get a good sneaky work out in at uni!

Today's Plan:

breakfast- apple, banana (0) Pitta (4) cottage cheese(1) vegemite (0)
lunch- quorn of some kind? with other stuff? I dunno
dinner- More stir fry maybe?
snacks- Housemates birthday cake (between 5 and 10)
exercise- walk to uni and back

Thursday, 11 November 2010

Online Journalling on Pro-Points- Day 1

 Everyone is still working out what the best things to eat are, and the best way to use up all our points are on the new plan! Because of that I thought this might be a good time to do another week of blog-journalling so you could see how I'm transitioning to pro-points, which if you haven;t read my last post already, I LOVE! I've borrowed *cough* nicked *cough* my jounralling template from the wonderful and lovely leah of Leah: The Kind Weight Watcher .  Go check her out, she's one of my favourites!
I'll be posting the previous day's journals on here rather than updating throughout the day!

November 10 Food and Exercise Journal -Weigh In Day
time- food/exercise (points)

11.15am- Wholemeal Pitta Bread (4) tsp Vegemite (0) Lettuce (0) Apple (0)

12.10pm- 45 Minutes Wii Fit-muscle routine and expert cycling (Moderate) (+3AP)

4:00pm- Mini Milkybar (2)

6:00pm- Weigh In , Lost 4.5lbs! Coffee (0) with semi skimmed Milk (2) Falafel (8) Cherry Tomatoes (0)

7:00pm- Banana (0) Walk To The Supermarket (Healthy on pedometer +1AP)

8:30pm- Leek, Cheddar and Mushroom Bake (10) Steam Bag Vegetables (1) 2tsp Basil Olive Oil (3)
11:00pm- 10 Cadburys Miniatures (7)
Points Summary
30/30 Daily Pro-Points used
7/49 Weekly Points used (42 remaining)
4 Activity Points earned
0/4 Activity Points used

GHG Summary
fruits/vegetables: CHECK!
healthy oils: CHECK!
liquids: Not even close
lean protein: not sure, is falafel protein?
vitamins: nope
activity: CHECK!

Lessons learned:
On WI day I need to get up and have breakfast earlier so I have time to have lunch without it affecting my WI. I was super hungry by the time I got to my meeting. But the plan works!

Today's Plan:

breakfast- apple, banana (0) Pitta (4) cottage cheese or houmous?
lunch- falafel (8) salad (0) 2tsp olive oil (3)
dinner- pasta (3) pesto? garlic bread (2) salad (0)
snacks- grapes (0) cadburys miniatures?
exercise- walk to uni and back + rehearsals

Wednesday, 10 November 2010

A Love Letter To The Pro-Points Plan!

Dear Pro-Points Plan,
You are truly made of magic!
I have been on you for 3 days now and at WI tonight you gave me a 4 and a half pounds loss, my 5th silver seven, and my 15%! I'm now down to my lowest weight on WW so far and am filled with much excitement and epic levels of glee!
I think you were made for me. You see my tendency to binge once then blow it for a week and give me a safety net for those incidences. I am feeling more in control now than I have done for the last year and it makes me HAPPY!

I look forward to a long and productive relationship with you.
Ever yours,
the fat girl finally making headway in getting slim...


Wednesday, 22 September 2010


This weeks WI meeting was a bit strange in many ways. I was expecting a gain this week, and possibly a big one. After last weeks post-WI food binge my eating just snowballed this week. I barely tracked, I didn;t plan, there was a party with excessive amounts of drinking(thanks freshers...) and a consequent day of colossal hangover and the associated munchies. I didn't excercise. I barely left the house. It was a wreck of a week.

But I lost 1.5 pounds.

I'm not complaining as such that I lost weight, any other week that loss would be hugely celebrated. But I know I didn't earn it, and habit-wise this week has been dreadful. So the weights tracked but I'm going to put that week and its anomaly firmly behind me. If I let myself think that acting like that will result in healthy weight loss then I'm doomed to...well...doom.

The topic tonight was dealing with food shopping. I know when I make my meal plans I'm pretty good about this, and stick to shopping lists as best I can. Still, it's always good to get a reminder.
One thing Angela (temp. leader, though soon to become my new leader as I switch meetings to a different night- stupid uni timetable...) said that really clicked in my head was "Even if that food seems like a really good bargain, and that you're going to save all this money on it, don't forget that if you have it in the house, sooner or later it's going to get eaten. And when it does you're going to be spending all that money you saved on these meetings."

As a student on a student budget going to Weight Watchers meetings is quite a big financial commitment, and I know that when I've got my degree my planned career is highly unlikely to provide a steady income, and so I really need to do the best I can to get to goal and lifetime or close to that point by the time I graduate. I know I'm going to need to keep going to meetings to keep myself on track and that's just not likely to happen if I have to spend much more time paying for them!

Anyhow, I have to be up early tomorrow because my classes are starting and I GET TO SEE EVERYONE AGAIN!

So it's bedtime for me.

P.s. I got a hamster.
p.p.s. she's a russian dwarf hamster.
p.p.p.s. her name is Princess Anastacia Karenina.
p.p.p.p.s. She has the tiniest nose ever.

Wednesday, 15 September 2010

Online Journalling - Day 7

 Today started off really well, then went kind of rapidly downhill....

September 14 Food and Exercise Journal:
time- food/exercise (points)
8:30am- oats (2.5) flat peach (0.5) 50g raspberries (0) low fat vanilla yogurt (0.5) 500ml Skim Milk (2)

9:00am- walk to gym and back + cross trainer, excercise bike, rowing machine and weights.
12:15pm- dolly mixtures (1.5) bruiser chew bar (1.5)
12:40pm- 3 bean soup (3.5) bread (1.5) phili (0.5) quorn 'beef' slices (0.5) mustard (0)
5:00pm- walk to WW meeting. WI= lost half a pound. 
7:00pm- star walking back, tights keep riding down making walking REALLY uncomfortable. Decide to get the bus back. Need bus fare so go to cash point, need to break a twenty for bus fare so go into the shop, super hungry so end up buying and eating: cheese and onion pasty (about 9.5) shrimp and banana sweets (5.5) chocolate raisins (10.5) diet coke ( HA! 0)

Points Summary:
Daily used: 40/21
AP earned:8
AP used:8

Points Saved:-11
Saved Points Used:0
edit! fvuckit   viodjka party!
GHG Summary:
Fruits/Vegetables- NOPE
Healthy Oils-NOPE
Dairy- CHECK

Lean Proteins- CHECK!

Whole Grains- CHECK!
Pedometer- 19278

Lessons learned:

Always wear tights that fit properly! And bring some kind of snack to eat after W.I. because I'm always hungry by that point and I can't keep doing these bus stop binges.

So this is my week of blog-tracking up, and i'm annoyed it's ended on such a low note, though I'm pleased that I've at least been honest about it. I think that's making a good step forward to breaking my secret-eating habits.
Here's to a much much healthier tomorrow!