Wednesday, 31 August 2011

Recovery Plans

As my beloved followers out there may have noticed, I've been absent, and when I've been here I've been in a right old state.
My life has been topsy-turvy of late. Finishing Uni and moving back in with my parents, with no real space of my own, without a job, away from all my friends has been very hard and very stressful and my binge eating problems have reached epic proportions. I haven;t gone a single week since moving back home that I haven't gained weight and it is making me sad and angry and scared.
I got myself a book:

I've read it cover to cover. The first half talks about research into binge eating, and binge eating disorders, though it feels a little dated. It actually talks more about anorexia and bulimia than B.E.D. but it's interesting reading nevertheless. The second half is a self-help plan for those with binge eating problems, like me (and i suspect a few of you out there may recognise yourselves in it).

I'm staying with weight watchers, though I may be off plan for a little while, as an important part of the recovery process is monitoring how you eat 'naturally', so you can learn from it, which is what I'm currently doing. When I have enough understanding of what makes me do what I do then I will be able to hopefully start integrating weight watchers with my recovery plan.

I'll keep you posted.
If any of you have suffered with similar problems I would love to hear from you. While I don't think I can wholly class myself as having Binge Eating Disorder I am definitely borderline, and it is a very lonely and humiliating place to be.

Thursday, 4 August 2011

I have a problem.

I binge.
I keep binging.
I've been binging for a very long time.
It makes me miserable.
I don't know why I do it, and I don;t know how to stop.
No diet is going to help until I know why I do what I do.
No healthy lifestyle plan is going to be stuck to until I am ready to be healthy.
I don't know what my problem is, I just know I have one.
I feel sick.
I feel sad.
I feel fat and alone and confused.
I don't know how to stop.
I'm stuck on a horrible carousel and I just want to get off, but I keep losing my footing.
This is a big cry for help.
If anyone has ANY idea what I can do to get myself under control, please help me.
I'm not happy.
I'm not healthy.
I'm not even hungry.
I just want to stop.