Sunday, 7 February 2010


It's what I've been missing of late.
Aside from last weeks somewhat anomalous 2.5lb loss I have been drifting up and down plateauland for quite some time now, and I'm sick of it.
When I started Weight Watchers I was home for the summer, and my mum joined with me. This meant I had someone to be accountable to, someone to get enthusiastic with, someone to pick me up and dust me off when I slipped off the wagon into the mud.
But since I came back to uni my weightloss has slowed to a snails pace.
And I believe the primary reason is that I am on my own in this.
Now I KNOW that the only person who is truly to blame for my weight is me. I know only I can control what goes in my mouth. I know that only I can drag myself down to the gym and away from the computer.
But it's really really hard.
I need to know that someone is keeping an eye on me, that someones going to be happy when I succeed and supportive when I start to slip.
It's just too easy to hide biscuits in my room and convince myself they dont count if no-one knows about them. I have LONG struggled with being a secret eater.

I used to save up all my pocket money, I even used to steal it from my parents loose change jar, and go down to the little shop to buy crisps and toffee and cream soda and coke and chocolate and penny sweets. I would hide in the graveyard on teh walk home and eat most of them there, and then smuggle the rest up to my room and finish them off. I'd sneak all the rubbish and wrappers to the bin outside in the square so mum wouldn't notice what I'd been doing when she put the bins out. And then I'd go and eat tea and pretend I was starving hungry.

I'd like to say this is a habit I've grown out of, but it's not. I need to start being honest with myself and other people about the consequences of this behaviour.
So I am setting myself a challenge.
For the next week I am not only going to track meticulously - something I have neglected recently - but I am going to post every single thing I eat and drink, and the details of any excercise I do on here everyday.

From now on I am making myself accountable to you.

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