Self-Sabotage

I had laser eye surgery today. Which is mad. Quite simply the most surreal experience of my life, I have to sleep in goggles and put in eyedrops that make me look like I'm crying milk for the next week. And you haven;t lived until you;ve seen your corneas being brushed back into place over your eyeball....

Anyhow, it's pretty life changing stuff. Which has got me thinking...

This week I've been eating absolute rubbish and haven;t quite been able to put my finger on it. I knew part of it was probably to do with being nervous and comfort eating, but I'm pretty certain it's mainly some very insecure little person sat in the corner of my brain saying;

"You can lose the glasses, or you can get thin. You can't do both to me."

I've been wearing glasses since I was 11, so thats practically half my lifetime. I've also been overweight for about as long, maybe a bit longer. And while I desperately want to change that, it's also really frightening. I have little to no idea of what this transformed me is going to be like, and that's pretty terrifying.

I got badly bullied from halfway through primary school right up until I started college, and it was nearly always for 'external' things, things that didn't quite seem like a part of me- being overweight, wearing glasses, etc. And I think I found some comfort in that, it didn't feel like I was bullied for who I was the majority of the time, just for the things they perceived as being part of me. I've just lost one of those for good, and I think the insecure little mini-me in my brain is getting scared about what will happen when I strip all the other layers away.

So I know I've eaten rubbish this week. I know I won't have lost weight this week. But just for once I'm going to accept that and give the mini-me a chance to catch up with reality.

Things are changing around here.

Graze Boxes

I know these divide opinion massively but I think they're an awesome idea.
For those who havent heard of them its basically a box of healthy snacks sent by post for you to graze on throughout the week, such as Fresh and dried fruit, nuts, seeds and crackers. The points values that I've heard of range between 1-6 points, so obviously some snacks are better than others but you can choose to "bin" anything you don't want sending.

The points values I've managed to find out so far are:

New england - 1 point

The Beach - 1
Golden Pineapple Rings - 1

Strawberry fields - 1.5 points

whole imperal plums - 1.5

Love Mix – 1.5 points

agadoo - 1.5

Pina colada - 1.5

round and round the mulberry bush - 1.5

Luscious lemon raisins - 1.5

juicy orange raisins - 1.5

go gojo go go go - 1.5
Figgy Pop - 1.5

great fire dragon - 2 
Grandma's Apple Crumble - 2.5

Swallows and amazons - 2.5

himalayas and beyond - 2.5

milkshake mix -2.5

Korean chilli rice crackers - 2.5

bento mix - 2.5
Checkmate - 3

natural vanilla seeds - 3

Lightly toasted pistachios - 3

born in the USA - 3

beach bum - 3

Ooh la la - 3.5

fiery seeds - 3.5 points

Natural vanilla seeds - 3.5

Sticky choccy pudding - 3.5

Granola seed mix - 3.5

funky gibbon - 3.5 points

Ancient forest nuts - 3.5

Savoury roasted nuts - 3.5

savoury roasted seeds - 3.5

Salsa tossed almonds - 3.5

Mount pleasant - 3.5

kalamata and amphissa olives with chilli and garlic - 3.5

green olives with fresh basil and garlic - 3.5
Olives With Citrus Marinade - 3.5

Funky gibbon - 3.5

Oven roasted cashews - 4

Cracked black pepper cashews - 4
Sweet and Sour Nuts - 4

mount pleasant - 4

7 fruits flapjack - 4
Yin & Yang - 4
Honeycomb Flapjack - 4.5

americas nut mix - 4.5

naked goodness seeds - 4.5

Chocolate peanut cheesecake - 5

copacabana - 5.5
Bounty Hunter - 5.5

desert Island nuts – 6 points

I'll add to this when I find out more- if you know of any not listed please comment! Forewarned is forearmed as it were...or four-armed, or something. 

Anyhow If anyone wants to try it out (UK only I'm afraid :( ) then go to www.graze.com and put in this code: 635YGP8

If you use this code you'll get your first box free and your second half price (they normally cost £2.99 with free posting). I'll also get a discount off my next box so it works out nicely for everyone : )
I'm not getting paid in any other way for this so I dont consider it advertising- your just helping subsidise a penniless student's dried fruit addiction and getting yourself some yummy healthy treats into the bargain :D

Enjoy!

Apologies

Blogging her has kind of gone by the wayside as I've gotten rather into my OTHER blog www.theymightbeshiny.blogspot.com, lookbook, and posting daily challenges on the weightwatchers website.

But i'm feeling fairly on track, and I lost 3lbs at last nights WI taking me back down to my 25lbs and to my pre-maastricht weight. so that is a GOOD THING.

Also, have a picture of a pig-marrow.

Wardrobe Clearout

Been having a bit of a clearout of things that no longer fit me so there are some gorgeous things on ebay for you to grab!

Check them out HERE

River Island Pencil Skirt (16)

Desperate Dan T-Shirt (Mens XL)

River Island Cocktail Dress (18)

Dark Star top (10-12)

80s Day Dress (16-18)

Amazing 80s cocktail dress (16-18)

Sad to let some of these go but it means more wardrobe space for shiny new things that fit me!

Also check out the amazing nectarine tarte tatin I made the other day:

2 Points per slice! and then a nice scoop of low fat ice cream for 1 point- completely delicious.

OMOMNOM.

Unfortunately you can;t get the tart on ebay...cos I ate it all already.

:D